Entry 35. Past Writing Seminar notes. June 21, 2021
A great class highlighting the process of actually becoming a writer made me want to go over the “official ways” to see where I fit and where I want to fit. There’s Literary Magazine Writing, Online Writing, and Book Publishing. Then there’s an added bonus of MFA programs and/or writing communities. As the speaker was describing each way and the pros and cons of each, I found myself feeling relaxed. More than I have in a LONG while. Because now I have a clear guideline to start my own path from. That’s a big part of what has stopped me from trying to be published all these years; not knowing where I’m supposed to be so I can have a starting point.
Literary Magazines are great for Literary Fiction and Genre Fiction. That’s where I want what I feel are my best stories put out first. To beat the slush pile and make it in print is a true accomplishment to me. I actually don’t expect nor do I want to cater to a fan base, I just want to know I’m good enough to qualify to be there. If I get a fan base for my efforts that’s a bonus. Online writing is a hit or miss for me; I would like an “official” place to put out my musings on personal topics and current events other than a blog – but that’s not something I really need. I mean, a blog can turn into a self published book of essays one day if I get unsatisfied with the various sites I submit to now.
Speaking of book publishing; that’s the most difficult to break into. Traditional publishing is impossible to break into without luck, and depends on a huge platform, so I’m not focused on that anymore. My poetry books I want to publish from college/university pressed and indie publishers for a book of short stories and a book of essays. Self publishing is also a goal I don’t need to focus on anymore; its MUCH too expensive, and also depends on a platform.
I still really want an MFA; to prove to myself I have the skill and patience and talent to get one, and for the prestigious bragging nights. I find writing community in Facebook groups, writers conferences, and reading Writers Digest, Poets & Writers, and The Writer Magazines. Writing communities I want to add to my list is a Writers Retreat, in person writing group(s), and joining a Literary organization.
So this is my new future plans on making myself a writer. The speaker started the talk with telling us that we don’t need permission to become a writer. I feel like that was something I needed to hear, but I also find that a double edged sword. There’s no approval of some committee or writing guru to just write and put it out into the world. One doesn’t even need “a day job” in the literary field to be a writer, people in every field imaginable and people who don’t work can call themselves writers. I’ve dreamed of being a writer since I was a kid. It’s the only goal I’ve ever had in life. I’ve fought and struggled over the years to put myself in Literary scenes and to feel like I can be who I’ve wanted to be. The fact that anyone can be what I’ve fought to be is very disheartening. I want to know I can be who I’ve dreamed of being – I don’t want to be shut from my dream of a writing career but lucked into it. Though I needed to hear what she said, I also feel like I need the approval of a committee and/or writing gurus to be a writer. I want to be good enough to work with a publishing house. To be good enough to earn an MFA. To be good enough to qualify for inclusion in a retreat. I want to know I’m talented enough to fulfill my dreams.
Entry 34. Writing Retreat thoughts again. February 17, 2021
So Literary Cleveland had an informal session this evening about the National Endowment of Arts Creative Writing Fellowship deadline coming up in a week or so. There’s no way I’d be able to apply for it – not even in two years when they are accepting Poetry and Fiction Fellowships again! However, the conversation did make me think about Writer’s Retreats again.
There’s only been 3 Writer’s Retreats I’ve ever wanted to go to. The first was Long Ridge Writers Workshop. I forget how or from whom I heard about this, but it was advertised like Gotham Writers Workshop in New York; pay a fee, take classes online/through snail mail, get a Writing Certificate when done. I liked the go-at-your-own-pace approach and the individual attention that would be paid to you. However, as the years have gone by and other better individualized writing opportunities got invented, I can honestly say I’ve gotten over wanting to get anything from Long Ridge Writers. The second was Lambda Literary Writers Retreat. Its across country – in California – but its the ONLY Writers Retreat for LGBTQ community writers. Thats REALLY unique, and I would LOVE to one day be a participant. I feel like not only will I get the freedom to write what I want, but I also will have the relief of not being looked at as edgy or weird if I write same gender loving poetry and/or short stories. That’s a relief! The third was a Writers Retreat I made up for myself. Spending a week in Amherst, Massachusetts where the Emily Dickinson Museum is. I love her work so much; I think it would really be personally inspiring for me to spend time in her house; in the massive library nearby; and create works as she did. She never left home, except to mail letters to friends family, and lovers. She just sat and created brilliant works of Poetry till she died. Why that sounds like Heaven to me, I don’t know; but there’s something to be said for no distractions. People can truly ware on one’s soul after a while. So to know that someone was able to ride herself of ALL human contact and still lead a satisfying and successful life is a hero in my book.
I think after I achieve the few writing goals I’ve set for myself in 2021, I’ll think about seriously pursuing one of the latter two Writing Retreats. It may be even cheaper than continuously trying to get the money together to go school and get my MFA.
Entry 33. End of Year Literary Thoughts and Plans. December 28, 2020
Usually right before Literary Cleveland’s Inkubator each year, I write out a list of places I want to be published in the following year. It’s rare that I actually stick to this Literary Plan, but its been a long year tradition. One of the main reasons I hardly ever keep up with the list is because its too ambitious for someone like me. I don’t have the Literary Self Esteem to pull it off. I also don’t have patience, and I don’t have guidance, and I STILL haven’t been able to write anything new in a great many years.
I decided to change things up a bit with my list. Maybe its because of all the Literary Musings I did while in quarantine – who knows. But I’ve decided to lay out some Literary Goals for 2021 that shouldn’t be too overwhelming to actually achieve.
I wrote out a Business Plan to turn my pseudonym, Kim TheBwordpoet, into an LLC. I really want to get serious with my writing career, and in order to get serious, I have be willing to invest in it. I still have hopes that my magazine will make me money one day, so I modified those Business Plans, and added them as part of my pseudonym’s income source as well.
I want to start editing my first poetry anthology, so I can finally start shopping it around to college presses for publishing.
I also want to start shopping around for places to publish my short stories. I actually published a Creative NonFiction piece in a collaboration project with the Cleveland Public Library and Gordon Square Review a few months ago, so I feel like the door has finally been opened for me to put more of my longer creative works out there. If possible, I’d like to see if I can find a nice platform to publish Autobiographical/Creative NonFiction pieces and pieces on causes that are important to me.
I started dabbling in writing Fanfiction earlier this year, so I wanted to add to that as well. I won’t be too ambitious and promise to finish it, but I will promise to work on it.
And as always, I’ll see if I can get a few pieces in Bi Women Newsletter.
Let’s see if I can make 2021 a good writing year for myself!
Entry 32. #CLEInkubator2020. July 30, 2020
A great class highlighting the process of actually becoming a writer made me want to go over the “official ways” to see where I fit and where I want to fit. There’s Literary Magazine writing, Online writing, and Boom Publishing. Then there’s an added bonus of MFA programs and/or writing communities. As the speaker was describing each way and the pros and cons of each, I found myself feeling relaxed. More than I have in a LONG while. Because now I have a clear guideline to start my own path from. That’s a big part of what has stopped me from trying to be published all these years; not knowing where I’m supposed to be so I can have a starting point.
Literary Magazines are great for Literary Fiction and Genre Fiction. That’s where I want what I feel are my best stories put out first. To beat the slush pile and make it in print is a true accomplishment to me. I actually don’t expect nor do I want to cater to a fan base, I just want to know I’m good enough to qualify to be there. If I get a fan base for my efforts that’s a bonus. Online writing is a hit or miss for me; I would like an “official” place to put out my musings on personal topics and current events other than a blog – but that’s not something I really need. I mean, a blog can turn into a self published book of essays one day if I get unsatisfied with the various sites I submit to now.
Speaking of book publishing; that’s the most difficult to break into. Traditional publishing is impossible to break into without luck, and depends on a huge platform, so I’m not focused on that anymore. My poetry books I want to publish from college/university presses and indie publishers for a book of short stories and a book of essays are my objectives. Self publishing is also a goal I don’t need to focus on anymore; its MUCH too expensive, and also depends on a platform.
I still really want an MFA; to prove to myself I have the skill and patience and talent to get one, and for the prestigious bragging rights. I find writing community in Facebook groups, Writer’s Conferences, and reading Writer’s Digest; Poets & Writers; and The Writer magazines. Writing communities I want to add to my list is a Writer’s Retreat, in person writing group(s), and joining a Literary organization.
So this is my new future plans on making myself a writer. The speaker started the talk with telling us that we don’t need permission to become a writer. I feel like that was something I needed to hear, but I also find that a double edged sword. There’s no approval of some committee or writing guru to just write and put it out into the world. One doesn’t even need “a day job” in the literary field to be a writer, people in every field imaginable and people who don’t work can call themselves writers.
I’ve dreamed of being a writer since I was a kid. It’s the only goal I’ve ever had in life. I’ve fought and struggled over the years to put myself in Literary scenes and to feel like I can be who I’ve wanted to be. The fact that anyone can be what I’ve fought to be is very disheartening. I want to know I can be who I’ve dreamed of being – I don’t want to be shut from my dream due to overcrowding by people who never dreamed of a writing career but lucked into it. Though I needed to hear what she said, I also feel like I need the approval of a committee and/or writing gurus to be a writer. I want to be a good enough writer to make it past a slush pile. To be good enough to work with a publishing house. To be good enough to earn an MFA. To be good enough to qualify for inclusion in a retreat. I want to know I’m talented enough to fulfill my dreams.
Entry 31. A book reinspiring Literary Passions. May 23, 2020
Covid19 has kept the entire world in quarantine since early March 2020. So without having to deal with my day job for the past two months, I’ve caught up on A LOT of reading. This book here is filled with tons of exercises. These exercises are designed to make one REALLY think about one’s dreams and goals and then put them in action. Five of the exercises within I’d like to share my answers to here on my blog.
Chapter Two; Exercise Three: Plug your interest into the Six Career Lenses (Business, Creative, Hands-on, Scientific/Research, Social/Political, Teaching) to brainstorm every possible career related to your interest. Feel free to repeat this exercise with more than one interest!
Interest 1 – Writing
•Business: Starting a magazine, Opening a bookstore, Starting a newspaper, Starting a writing service (book publisher, essay writer, freelance writer, ghost writer, resume writer, copy writer), Starting a writers conference
•Creative: Poet, Short Story Writer, Fiction Novelist, Blogger, Spoken Word, Playwright, Creative Fiction Writer, Graphic Novelist
•Hands-on: Book binder, working at a bookstore, working at a library, working at a magazine, working at a newspaper
•Scientific/Research: Writing for scientific journals, writing for research journals, research and write about scientific topics
•Political/Social: Political Blogger, writing for Washington Post, writing for New York Times, keep a social issues blog, writing social justice pieces
•Teaching: Become a High School English Teacher, become a English College Professor, teach online courses on writing, present at Writers Conferences
Interest 2 – LGBTPQA+ community
•Business: Opening an LGBT Center , start an LGBT charity, start an LGBT nonprofit
•Creative: Start an LGBT newspaper, start an LGBT magazine, open an LGBT club, open an LGBT bar, start an LGBT owned business
•Hands-on: Work at an LGBT center, work at an LGBT owned business, work at an LGBT club, work at an LGBT bar, volunteer at Pride, volunteer to Lobby
•Scientific/Research: Join an LGBT Research group, create an LGBT Research Study, write LGBT Research pieces, write about different scientific studies on LGBT people
•Social/Political: Join/Start a Lobbying group, volunteer/work for Human Rights Campaign, write political pieces on LGBT issues, write LGBT social justice pieces
•Teaching: Teaching LGBT college classes, volunteer/work for Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network, publishing LGBT Children’s/Young Adult books
Chapter Two; Exercise Four: If you have multiple interests, write down three career paths that would combine them.
Writing LGBT grants, Writing LGBT poetry and stories, Write for an LGBT newspaper/magazine
Chapter Four; Exercise Two: Know your Circle Of Trust. Who are the supporters and who are the haters? Identify three people you can trust to support your plan, ask helpful questions, and provide constructive criticism. Next identify three people who are likely to make fun of your plan or discourage you.
My three supporters would be Ricardo, Kay, and Noah.
My three dream crushers would be Ma and Nikki. I can’t think of a third person.
Chapter Four; Exercise Three: Find your rolemodels. Find three examples of people successfully doing what you want to do, or something similiar.
My three rolemodels are Rachael Kramer Bussel, Lori Perkins, and June Jordan.
Rachel Kramer Bussel is an Author, Columnist, and Editor specializing in Erotica. She edits erotica short story anthologies, her own erotica has had her nominated for Lambda Literary Awards, she writes regularly for national and commonly known magazines like The New York Times and Oprah Magazine, and she teaches Erotica Writing 101. She’s made a career out of EroticaWriting.
Lori Perkins is a Literary Agent who specializes in Romance and Erotica. After Co-Founding and running Ravenous Romance for four years, she started her own publishing company where she has a few great imprints: Desire, an erotica/erotic romance imprint; Magnus, LGBT titles imprint; MagnusLit, LGBT fiction imprint; Truth, an erotic memoir imprint; 120 Days, an LGBT pulp fiction line; and Circlet, ab erotic science fiction and fantasy imprint. She was named Bisexual Publisher of the Year from Bi Writers Association. She’s made a career being an Erotica Literary Agent.
June Jordan was a Poet, Essayist, and Teacher. Her poems read like poems I would write. Not only were they relatable but they were wrote from a Black female’s point of view. If she could get world-renowed over things I write about, why can’t I? She was also a Poetry Center Director, an English Professor, and an African American Studies Professor. She made a career off being a Poet.
Chapter Five; Exercise One: What is your vision of success? What milestone do you want to reach?
I’ve gone back and forth with what I want success to look like for myself. With the writing field completely different from what it was when I was growing up, there is room to grow, but it also now takes certainty away.
When I was young, to be a writer meant you published books. If you wanted to publish poetry, you published poetry books. If you wanted to be a journalist, you published pieces in popular mainstream magazines like New York Times to get noticed. Now its almost impossible to be successful in these ways. It was easier to publish when I was younger; it was easier to put out poetry; it was easier to gain notoriety when I was younger. I’ve always based my future success on how things were when I was young.
So first I have to determine what I feel is the success I want to have now. Then I can figure out where I want to reach beyond that.
I feel like ANYBODY can put out a book. a book of poems, a book of stories, an autobiography. There’s nothing special about publishing anymore because everyone is doing it. However, everyone doesn’t win awards for the work they put out. Not everyone makes a living in the literary field. Not everyone helps others realize their dreams on the way to their own. So what if I did? What if my success could be working in the literary field as Literary Magazine Owner; win awards for my poetry, stories, and journal pieces; and just spend my life helping other writers realize their dreams? These would be the goals I’d want to reach.
ENTRY 30. Revising my Literary Plans. August 18, 2018
I’ve decided to give up on getting my Bachelor’s, MFA, and PHD. It’s too much of a hassle, and the roadblocks are honestly just too costly.
In its place, what I’d like to do is just pursue my own literary path.
Writing for TheOdysessyOnline helps that, but I’d still like to complete the Long Ridge Writers program (if it still exists). I’d also like to go to Gotham Writers Workshop in New York, Writer’s Digest School (I think they actually offer courses online), CPL ED2GO classes, and get accepted/complete the Lambda Literary Retreat. While of course publishing my Poetry, Short Stories, Creative Nonfiction, and getting my magazine up and running.
In a way, it feels like giving up, but in another way, it feels better to do what I want with my work instead of limiting myself to what society tells me I should do (go to college, become smart and marketable, then get employment).
ENTRY 29. Another stories project. April 5, 2017
Last year I started exploring my kinky side. What draws me to the kink life is Sensualism. But I’m encountering a great deal of rougher kinds of play – and without any feelings in the mix. I’m a relationship girl, and playing outside a relationship is not a draw for me whatsoever.
So I thought it would be a nice idea to put together a book of short stories highlighting power dynamic love stories. Not sex stories – in fact it’d be better if they didn’t have sex in them; just pure love stories. Forget the 50 Shades of Brainwashing or any other resource out here currently that doesn’t show Tops/bottoms; Sadists/masochists; Doms/subs; Dd/lgbg; M/s; actually madly in love with each other.
This is what I want to read about. So why not publish it myself since I haven’t found it?
ENTRY 28. New project in my mind. November 22, 2016
I’m taking this Creative NonFiction class at Cleveland State this semester; and it’s got me thinking that creating a body of work of Creative NonFiction clips will suffice in place of an penning an Autobiography.
When I was still considering working on an Autobiography, I decided that I was going to put my story in chronological order. And to an extent; going the Creative NonFiction route will afford me that luxury without being long winded. In fact, I feel like putting together my story through Creative NonFiction is a creative way to tell people what I want them to know without dwelling on events and people that didn’t matter to me in the long run.
Math will tell me how many words these individual essays will need to have to add up to the word amount required to be a novel.
Importance and outcome will determine what stories from my life I’ll want to tell.
Stayed turned for more info about this. I’m already excited about this and I haven’t even started the essays yet!
ENTRY 27. Something worth looking into…April 20, 2016
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0HjD1_sE1GVSVJITnE2cE1OMTQ/view?usp=docslist_api
ENTRY 26. Feeling Like a Writer. August 14, 2015
One of the things I dislike about working outside the literary field is that I don’t feel like a writer. The only time I feel like a writer is when I get the latest issue of a writers’ magazine. I get immersed in features of authors I’ve never heard of giving advice on building a platform I could never achieve. The MFA or no MFA debate enthralls me. Articles about style and form confuse me. The advertisements for expensive conferences all over the U.S. depress me. The constant spotlight on every literary genre but erotica infuriates me. Yet, still my chest swells with pride when a coworker sees a latest issue and asks me, “Are you a writer?” “Yes I am.”
Shouldn’t I feel like a writer without a magazine subscription “proving” my talents? Even the poetry I’ve published in college journals and all my clips are not enough to make me feel like my writing has made a dent in the world. I always thought a successful writer published books. I thought successful poets published their own poetry books. I thought a successful journalists worked for a newspaper full time. All successful writers should have a degree, right? Even though great debate says this statement is false, no Agent, Editor, or Publisher is without at least a BA in English, Creative Writing, or Journalism! It was time to re-evaluate my definition of success in this field.
My individual pieces of poetry continue to find homes in various college presses – and I’m okay with that. The poetry collection I’m currently working on will be for my friends, my family, and anyone who’s enjoyed hearing my poetry when I read at local talent shows. Not for the masses – or even to let publishing giants know I’m alive. That message gets lost most of the time. A poetry collection shouldn’t be used as a marketing ploy to get further in the field.
I made a list of publishers I’d like to submit a few short stories to. That’s really all I need. I don’t need to write a novel – because that’s not my strength. I don’t even need a book of my short stories – at least not now. Then again, I may decide to never publish my short stories. This is my path to success, and if I feel my work just isn’t strong enough to take me where I want to go, I can cut it.
I don’t need the pressure of working at a newspaper just to be considered a journalist. That doesn’t sound like something that would interest me. What I have an interest in is what I already publish in magazines/publications I read. That’s good enough. My clips are diverse enough and great enough in number that I don’t need to fix what isn’t broken.
Even though I really wanted my PHD in English, what was I going to do with it? Did I really need that to prove to people that I knew what I was talking about? I’m closer than I’ve ever been to finally getting my Bachelor’s in English, and that’s all I need. I just want to continue running my online magazine – and go into print. That’s a dream I can live with, follow, and accomplish. It may not be enough to convince the masses that I’m a legitimate Editor, but I think its swell. Call me complacent. I am getting somewhere, and I’m getting there faster than I realized.
Basking in the joy of what I already do is how I discovered to truly feel like a writer.
ENTRY 25. JUNE 30, 2013
I had an itch to re-read one of the first books I read on writing; Agents, Editors, and You. I LOVE this book, and it was this book that made me start thinking about becoming an Erotica Agent in the first place.
The book breaks down and explains the exact duties and roles an Agent and Editor plays in publishing an Author’s work. The general idea was to arm Author’s with enough inside knowledge of the Publishing movers and shakers so they could decide if they should take the route of traditional publishing or self publishing. What it did for me was convince me that being an Agent was a pretty sweet gig!
Not only do Agents gain all knowledge through actual hands on experience (and not some degree), but they also get to be the Author’s first advocate – and ALL Authors needs someone to buffer and finish their work for submissions; someone to brag about their work; someone to create a buying frenzy for publication; someone to negotiate good contracts; and someone to be their Mentor and friend. Agents also wear double hats; their Author’s representative to Editors and Publishing houses, plus their Editors. They have to find something magical about a story then re-read it to fine tooth the spelling, grammar, and punctuation to make the manuscript ready for Editor approval.
I can’t say enough about how I much I love Agents and what they do. Part of the reason I started my E-Zine Talent Drips was to gain hands-on experience dealing with Authors, editing, and publishing. I always hoped that having this magazine would help gain skills to be confident enough to step into the extra role of Agent once I was ready and had a degree or two under my belt. Only time will tell, but I hope so.
ENTRY 24. JUNE 13, 2013
I’ve been really struggling; trying to find my place in the literary world. I’ve been wanting to be a writer FOREVER – but I’ve never had a guide telling me how to do it.
How can I make a valid career writing for the rest of my life? Others have done it; but how can I do it? I don’t know where to find my audience; my friends don’t even know where/when I publish anything!
My online magazine was a step in the direction of finding my purpose in the literary world. Not only could I use it to showcase emerging erotic literary talent, but I can also experiment in skills like proof reading and editing and marketing and conducting interviews, etc.
But as time goes on and my hopes to make a living from the magazine grow smaller and smaller, I wonder if I should just chalk the online magazine to a hobby and find REAL work at a literary magazine? I would still be utilizing the proof reading, editing, and marketing skills – plus I’ll gain more technically involved knowledge of putting a magazine together outside of slapping it together on wordpress 😉
Maybe I’m being too hard on myself and I will be able to find a way to make a living with my magazine. But, for right now, it has to be shelved as a hobby until I can get the educational credentials and poetry books and short stories published – so I can FEEL like a writer; because unfortunately at this moment I don’t feel like a writer at all. I definitely don’t feel like the writer I envisioned I would be when I was a little girl.
ENTRY 23. APRIL 23, 2013
So, I was reading the latest post on the Erotica Readers and Website ( http://erotica-readers.blogspot.com/2013/04/erotically-correct.html ) and I started to feel that sinking feeling I always feel when I read about the Erotica experts explaining the perks and fruitful rewards of their fabulous sex lives and what it does for their writing.
Everything I write is from my imagination – I’ve never (nor do I hope to ever) engage in HALF the stuff my characters do under the sheets! Yet, I get this push from the Erotica community that in order to be a well-rounded Erotica writer and a well-rounded person in general, I have to have sex.
When did we get from getting kids to think of other things besides sex and stop all the underage sex/parenthood to encouraging everyone to just go for broke and sex away? Now society unknowingly rewards people for having sex by taking care of them when they have kids outside of marriage; criticizing marriage by saying is barbaric and outdated and only for women with low self esteem; making feminist, independent women, single women, single men, and “ethical sluts” have the same meaning; and inventing this “sex positive” revolution – thus basically putting everyone who was born from 1979 to 1989 in the “sex negative” camp (cause let’s face it, anyone born in this generation was taught {or not taught at all} differently about sex then whats being allowed now).
This sex positive and sex negative stuff plays a HUGE role in writing Erotica. God forbid your characters want a bond stronger than bodies slapping together before they !gasp! marry! – you want chaste pecks on the cheek and necking then a man on bended knee with a ring? Your sex negative. Go read a Harlequin. And don’t tell anybody you read that prudish shit. You want characters to have hot romps in the sack with an endless menu of strangers? You want characters to be Ethical Sluts by having all these endless romps with their friends or with strangers they feel “spiritually and emotionally” connected to after one meaningless conversation? You want characters to use whips and chains and leather? You want to read about BDSM and erotic exficiation (yeah, I know its spelled wrong – please get over it; we all didn’t go to Harvard like you)? You want characters who like threesomes, foursomes, group sex? You want characters to use handcuffs, paddles, and sex toys? Congratulations!!! Your sex positive! Your free to read anything and tell the world you love it!
Am I saying all the latter stuff is bad and evil and should be banned? NO! But why do I have to want to read about that stuff or be open to doing that stuff in real life to be a whole and complete human being (i.e. sex positive)??? Why can’t I read, want and/or go for a chaste peck on the cheek, necking/dating, and get my wedding – AND still be able to count myself as a whole and complete human being? I don’t get it. This whole sex positive/sex negative debate enrages me – ESPECIALLY when my writing and/or reading habits is criticized because I’m traditional.
THEN, which REALLY hurt me personally (because OBVIOUSLY it applies to me!) on another post ( http://erotica-readers.blogspot.com/2013/02/another-revolution.html ) someone made a comment that they told their kids NEVER to marry as virgins!
So is there no other way to know and be comfortable with oneself besides counting down the time it takes to be in bed with someone? I mean, in order for a person to be “liberated” and know themselves thru and thru in these times is to fuck someone else? We can’t enjoy our favorite music??? We can enjoy our favorite movies??? We can’t go out to eat with our friends??? We can’t spend a night at home with our pets??? We can’t go to work??? We can’t go to school??? We can’t go grocery shopping??? We can’t go buy some shoes or a purse or a chain??? We can’t hold the values we were taught from 1979 to 1989 dear??? So we can’t be comfortable with ourselves and live our lives without someone else (or someone else’s parts) being inside of us???!!! I don’t get that. As someone on the Asexual spectrum – this sex positive mentality is really offensive.
I don’t get how someone has to sleep with everyone they know and meet to know what they like. I mean, straight people don’t have to sleep with the same sex to KNOW their straight. Same for LGBT individuals. We don’t have to sleep with the opposite sex to KNOW we’re LGBT. Same for black women and white men and – WHOEVER! Nobody has to do the opposite of their nature to know what they like. So why does someone have to loose their virginity to be a whole person??? Maybe I don’t get this concept because I’m an Asexual virgin.
And apparently because of my virginity my Erotic writing will always be vanilla, lackluster, unrealistic, and outdated – EVEN though I only write about sex positive topics; but would never do them personally! 😦 Big SIGH. I wish I wrote other things besides Erotica sometimes. Then I wouldn’t be judged so much (I hope).
For a direct definition of sex negative, check out http://www.alfabus.us/Quotations/sexnegativeculture.html
ENTRY 22. FEBRUARY 24, 2013
I have a dream.
As I read the current issues of my writers’ magazines, I long to go to one of the many Writer’s Retreats advertised – just to see what goes on there. But their all SOOO far away and SOOO expensive! And SOOO long! What do I do about my job? What about my 2 cats? How will I get there and back? How can I afford this on top of affording all my daily necessities??
That’s when I imagined creating my own retreat. What it turned into, was a full fledged over-the-top business idea I never even planned on having – but now its praying on my mind saying “Why not?”
I want to build an apartment building/hotel for writers. Set it up just like these retreats and have it in a place where residents and visitors can see the beauty of Cleveland, Ohio. Have it nestled on Whiskey Island; right along Lake Erie. You can see the whole backdrop of Downtown Cleveland from Whiskey Island, and on the other side have the beach and Lake Erie at your feet.
One half of the building would be apartments. Writers can live there for $400 a month. The place would have all hardwood floors, allow dogs and cats, no utilities, an elevator, and if residents don’t drive; a 24-hour bus service taking them to the main road Detroit where the #26 runs. Each floor would have 6 rooms; the first floor would have 7 rooms – my 2 bedroom apartment, the office, a laundry room, and four 1 bedroom apartments. The second floor would have 5 rooms – a laundry room, and four 2 bedroom apartments. The third floor would also have 5 rooms – a laundry room, and four 3 bedroom apartments. The basement would be for weeknight classes, socials, and writers conferences. It would have a large seating area with a stage, a kitchen, a bathroom, and 4 conference sized rooms.
The other half of the building would be a hotel. Guests would stay there for the apartments’ writers conferences or for other area literary conferences such as Cleveland State’s Imagination Conference or Case Western Reserve’s Breaking Genre conference. The first floor would have 8 rooms; a laundry room, an empty 1 bedroom to show prospective tenants, and 6 other 1 bedroom units. The second floor would have 8 rooms; a laundry room, an empty 2 bedroom suite to show prospective tenants, and 6 other 2 bedroom units. The third floor would have a laundry room, an empty 3 bedroom suite to show prospective tenants, and 6 other 3 bedroom units. All suites will come equipped with basic hotel ammenities; a couch, 2 recliner chairs, bed(s), lamp(s), and desk(s). The basement will be used as a store room, kitchen, and have soda/junk food machines. This building would have an elevator as well.
As you can see, my imagination got WAAAY carried away! All I initially thought about was just creating a writers’ retreat here in my hometown – a retreat I would go to and enjoy. It turned into this overblown full fledged business plan that beckons to me, “Why not?”
I have a dream.
ENTRY 21. FEBRUARY 20, 2013
My friend told me she didn’t want to use her art to pursue a living because then it wouldn’t be fun anymore.
When she first said it, it took me back and confused me. I mean, why not? Your making money to support yourself and your family off a God-given talent. What’s not fun about that? Your not tricking people into buying products that in reality they don’t want. They see it, they want it, they buy it! Life is great!
That’s all any writer wants; to make a living for themselves and their families off their writing. How EXCITED would I be if I can make a living off bringing inspiring and thought-provoking verses to devoted fans! How GRATEFUL would I be to be able to sell tons of magazines introducing new writers! How PERFECT would life be if all I needed to do to sustain financial security is to sit down and write??
But, there is a downside. And I think this downside is why she said it wouldn’t be fun to pursue her art for money. People don’t NEED poetry and short stories. So writing is a flimsy occupation. I can write till the cows come home – GOOD writing – but that’s not going to make people buy my material enough to make a living. I wouldn’t want to make a living off it – it wouldn’t be fun – because my writing wouldn’t have meaning if nobody was buying/reading it.
But I still write, and try to make money off it; and she should still draw, and try to make money off of it; because we’re artists. Creating was in us since we were created. We can’t just stop creating because people aren’t giving us money for it! Its a God-given talent that doesn’t need money to exist – it just needs our willpower to create it to exist. We’d be taking the fun out of it ourselves if we stop doing it because no one is responding to it. WE respond to our own creations. Our art is an extension of us.
ENTRY 20. JANUARY 1, 2013
I’m part of a couple of writing groups on Facebook – if you can call them groups – their more like constant streams of advertisements for Ebooks and Blog hops. BARELY, if ANY discussions go on.
But being part of these groups make me wonder if I’m doing the right thing with my personal work and not promoting it to death. Why don’t I do Blog Tours and free give-a-ways, and make book covers for my stories, or put individual stories of mine through Amazon for a buck and do collaborations?? And I’m not knocking authors for having the guts to do these things – I think its awesome! But, do I not follow in their footsteps because I don’t have the courage, or because I actually find something wrong with their methods?
The answer is both truthfully. I don’t have the courage to do the things I admire other authors for doing. I just don’t have the audience to get results using those methods. And, I want my work published by publications I financially support. Not just to get my work out there. That may seem a bit snooty and biased but, why publish my work with a publication I’ve never read or bought pieces from? Not only will it be impossible to get my stories in there because I haven’t read the publication to know if they take my stuff or not, but if I don’t read them regularly – how will I ever know they published it – even if they said they did??
These authors’ goals just aren’t my goals. And I’m not saying their all on this MO – but that’s how it looks as an outsider looking in on the situation. I see TONS of ads for Blog Tours and free give-a-ways, and Amazon books, and collaborations and it honestly just comes off as DESPERATION. Their DESPERATE to get readers and will publish ANYWHERE using ANY marketing scheme. I see it when I get these ridiculous submissions and inquiries for my magazine Talent Drips. People don’t even READ THE SUBMISSION GUIDELINES – they just submit. It won’t be spell-checked; it won’t be proof-read; half of it isn’t even Erotica – its porn! They go WAY over the word limits – its crazy how DESPERATE people are to be published!
I WANT to be published; I’m not DESPERATE to be published.
ENTRY 19. AUGUST 13, 2012
I’m really at a loss as to what I want to do as a literary career and what I want to do with my own writing. It was suggested I work at a magazine or a newspaper. I mean, I’d like to do that – because I feel I could bring new voices to The Gay People’s Chronicle or finally make a difference in the Bisexual community by being part of Bi Women. But I’m not sure those jobs could pay me enough to live on comfortably. I want to be free to go to writers conferences and free to meet editors and writers all over to explore the Literary Agent in me. I think the magazine I’ve had since 2007 can eventually do that for me with enough subscribers and advertisers.
Then there’s my own writing – which I feel is getting better – but am I good enough to gain a following of my own? Am I just destined to find and showcase talent elsewhere, but not posess talent of my own? It feels that way alot of the time. But only because I’ve never been published the way I wanted.
How do I want to be published then? Poetry books? Yes. Short Stories? Yes. Articles? Already been doing that. I don’t know; it just feels like my poetry and short stories aren’t enough to make me the writer I always wanted to be. The magazine/newspaper and Editor gigs put me in the literary field; but they don’t make me the writer I’ve always wanted to be.
Maybe I’m just suffering from some literary self esteem or something. Maybe my poetry books will gain fans. Maybe my short stories will gain fans. Maybe my articles reach more people than I think. Maybe my magazine reaches more people than I think. Maybe I’m closer to the literary life I want than I think. Maybe…until then, I’m gonna keep working and keep dreaming…
ENTRY 18. JULY 15, 2012
I’m seriously tired and frustrated of being the only Erotica Writer I know. There HAS to be a way to commune with others such as myself and form a local critique group.
I tried Meetup.com, but no group like that existed, so I decided to start one – but its $72!!! I haven’t had much luck with Yahoo groups in the past; but Yahoo groups are free to start and delete as I please. I’m hoping I can get something going cause I really need some kind of literary camaraderie with people. Maybe I just need to go back to school to find it?? Gotham Writers Workshop and Long Ridge Writers are still options for me at this point. I’ll probably start the Yahoo group anyway (in hopes that I can build a personal network now) and when I can afford to go to these schools then hopefully gain a bigger personal network of literary friends.
I’m still playing with the idea of getting my magazine into print to make a living off of as well. I may actually be able to do that; but the hard part is finding a sufficient amount of subscribers to attract advertisers that will generate even more income. I have no clue how to find enough people willing to consistently subscribe…
ENTRY 17. MAY 5, 2012
I’ve been thinking that it wasn’t fair that my hometown has all kind of visual art resources – but resources for writers are dwindling fast. The Poets and Writers League is gone; the The Muse only comes out twice a year, The Writers Showcase was only around for one year – at least Imagination Writers Conference and Hessler Street Fair’s Poetry Contest are still around! Then there’s always The Women’s Variety show and Black Pride’s Poetry showcase… But a recent community workshop had me thinking about the Cleveland Institute of Art. I never thought about that school – because I assumed it only dealt with visual art. I took a look at their website and saw not only did it have interesting looking English classes, but it also had a Bachelors in English concentrating on Creative Writing! HOW AWESOME!!! So I don’t need to enroll in an online writing school – I can go there! In fact, this new information makes me wonder if I should ditch going back to Cleveland State for my BA in English and go to The Institute for it…hmmm…
ENTRY 16. MAR 20, 2012
Time to start seriously pursuing making a living off my magazine – and finding an audience for my personal writings…. #building.a.platform.
ENTRY 15. MAR 13, 2012
I’ve been in a writers block for a little over a month now. I know how I want the story I’m working on to end – but I can’t seem to continue to push it there.
Then, I missed every poetry book deadline I was working on!
I haven’t written a new article in a very long while either…
I’m starting to think I’m loosing my touch with the writing world. I need to connect with other writers and see who I can bond with – especially since my favorite Columbus Writers Conference has been taken away 😦 Oh well…one day – one day – one day I’ll get the touch of my pen back 🙂
ENTRY 14. FEB 2, 2012
I was wondering how to alter my goals. I mean, there’s still a poetry book publishing option for me – which could keep my name out there considerably – but what about beyond poetry? What about my short stories? Will it be the same? Publishing enough single stories to have the weight worthy of a collection of stories? The same for my clips? Soon there won’t be any print books anymore. We’ll all look at books like we look at top hats, tail suits, bowties, and girdles!
And how will Poets and Writers and Journalists advertise and market their work in the new digital age?? I’ve heard notable suggestions like guest blogging, releasing amazon/Kindle books, and virtual bookstore signings – but what else? Do I literally use my imagination to come up with a online Author marketing plan to gain readers/followers??
If this is the case for me as well as any and all Authors – will anyone need Agents or Publishing Houses anymore?? Maybe all Authors should only have an Editor and just take their online careers further ahead and call it a day.
ENTRY 13. DEC 12, 2011
I don’t think I’ve published enough. I’ve published a lot, but I feel like its not enough – and I’m DEFINITELY not getting noticed for it.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve given up on the PHD in English that I wanted – but an AA in English is still desired and attainable. I’d like to finish The Long Ridge Writers program I was a part of back in 2005-2006; its like a writers home study program. A certificate from there could raise my writing self esteem dramatically – although it would probably be more beneficial to spend more money at a writing school Literary giants know and respect like Writers Digest University or Gotham Writers Workshop. In fact, Gotham may be the one I choose because though their prices are similar to Writers Digest University, you get more class time at Gotham. Like at Writers Digest University it looks like your paying $400 for one class. At Gotham Writers Workshop you pay $400 for a 10 week course. However, both don’t offer a certificate upon finishing, and both don’t offer payment plans. SIGH…the prices you pay to try and become professional!
ENTRY 12. AUG 12, 2010
Read 3 pieces for Black Pride’s Jazz & Poetry nite. As usual, I was well received. The magazine will be back on track by the 31st as well.
ENTRY 11. JUN 10, 2010
Currently sending out queries….
ENTRY 10. JUNE 2010. A NEW VENTURE
I always thought you were supposed to naturally progress to writing a novel when you start off as a short story writer. A lot of people do, a lot of people don’t. Those that do, find commercial success. Those that don’t, just don’t.
I’ve always had this desire to publish my autobiography. I just feel like I’ve been through so much in my life and yet I have not broken down with the sheer weight of these troubles. Was close a few times, but I’m still here. I wanted my resilence to help other people who can’t see the forest for the trees yet. But I’m just not a novel writer. I’m a poet and a short story writer.
Sure, each chapter of my life could be a short story – then put together in a book – but that’s not what I wanted. A bunch of separate stories only combined because I put them under one name and called them my life? I’ve used my poetry to tell many of my stories before, and I plan to do it again.
The book of poems I just finished (Love just feels like an invitation for more pain…) chronicles the more recent years of my life, but not how I got here. I feel the book can be a good continuation of my poetic journey – once I’ve laid out the ground work book first.
So the autobiography I’ve been slaving over for years, will turn into the first poetry book I release to the public. I’m excited about this project for the above stated reasons, but I’m also dreading going back to the dark memories of my childhood and adolescent years and then crunching them into poetic form. It could be a healing process for me, but at the same time, it could be a task too big for me. All I can end with is, only time will tell.
ENTRY 9. MAY 24, 2010
Read 3 pieces for the 5th Annual Punane Talent Show. In fact, an attendee came up to me and cried because she was so touched by my pieces.
ENTRY 8. FEB 25, 2010
My article “Miscommunications” has been published in the 10 issue of The Fence – a Bisexual publication in Canada.
ENTRY 7. FEB 5, 2010
My online erotic magazine is in the middle of getting a major facelift because the site I have it on now sucks!
ENTRY 6. JAN 19, 2010
My poem “What We Saw” will appear in the next issue of Bi Women.
ENTRY 5. DEC 26, 2009
My commentary entitled Miscommunications (about the bridges that divide Lesbians and Bisexual women)will appear in The Fence magazine.
ENTRY 4. JULY 2009. MY DECISION PART 2
Actually, being an agent is a great idea, and after receiving a query from an author, I decided that its worth it to look into that path again. Agents have the best job in the world and they don’t even know it! They discover the people whose words rule the thoughts and minds of people everywhere. Young or old. Big or small. With these things in mind,
http://alifeinerotica.wordpress.com was created.
Then I decided that even that was taking things too far. So I combined the information from the “Agent” site with my magazine and deleted the Agent site. They both work towards accomplishing my goal of finding new Erotic talent to display so there was no use having two sites.
ENTRY 3. APRIL 2009. SUBMISSION
I have a new clip about the anomosity between Lesbians and Bisexual Women that was sent off to be published by “The Fence”!
ENTRY 2. JULY 2008. SUBMISSION
I submitted a poem entitled Ending Confusion to Robin Och’s book “Getting Bi: Part 2”!
ENTRY 1. SEPTEMBER 2007. MY DECISION
I decided at the 2007 Columbus Writers Conference to be an Agent for Erotica and Romance writers. I always had a great desire to help other writers find their voices and connect with the rest of the literary community. So, I made an itinery, looked up publishers of Erotica and Romance in Novel and Short Story Writer’s market, and made a Business Plan. I was ready to make introductions to these publishers when I realized that even with all the advice and information I learned from Agents, Editors, and You; I had no experience working in any sort of literary community setting. Unfortunately I still make a living with a job outside the writing field. Consequently, I’ve since decided that maybe being an Literary Agent per se isn’t my thing. However, my magazine – Talent Drips Erotic Publishings – was born that year. The experience I gain through it along with my current internship with a local alternative newspaper still prevails. Owning a bookstore for writers has always been the transformed dream of mine – and a better suit to my VERY shy personality and goals in terms of helping other writers. Being an Agent was taking things too far. I can discover new Erotic talent for my magazine anyways!
Kim, theBword Poet 